is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
