ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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