toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
