I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
