return my video game
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
