i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
