My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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