talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
