Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
