If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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