He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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