I am puke
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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