Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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