I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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