they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
