smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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