I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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