I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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