Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
