Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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