If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
