im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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