They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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