I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
