i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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