so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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