My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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