and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
