A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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