Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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