My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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