um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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