I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
