just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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