Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
