We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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