I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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