So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize