do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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