Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
