i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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