Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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