oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
