I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
