i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
