i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
