Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀