No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one