You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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