he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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