his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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