Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
