Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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