I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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