I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
