Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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