I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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