One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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