yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
