That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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