So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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