I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Randomize
