"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
